I'm moving

I'm leaving this blog site because it's been too difficult for people to make comments. My new blog site is http://monagustafsonaffinito.com  I hope the name is easy to remember since it reflects the only person I can't live without. There you can sign up to follow my blog so I won't have to send out personal notices every time I blog. In fact, there are quite a few entries up there already.

I hope you'll move with me, because I'd love to have your company.

CHANGING SITES

Yes, I am still around, coming out from under the accumulated expected and unexpected avalanche that seems to follow every delightful week away. This time was February 4-11 at the John C. Campbell Folk School in Brasstown, North Carolina. If you’re not familiar with it, I do recommend at least googling it. Away from TV, radio, and even alcohol, deep in the Appalachians, it’s a kind of camp for adults, except that the myriad of crafts offered are no-fooling-around projects. Several years ago when I was there I took a writing course which turned out to be very important for me because the teacher encouraged me to get down to business with “Mrs. Job.” This time I took a class in clay portraits. With three other women in the class, each of whom in some way had more experience than I, and a terrifically competent and patient teacher with an amazing method, the week was more than wonderful. I even managed to turn out something that looks decent to folks who don’t have the other’s products with which to compare it. Right now what I have is a photo. My instructor will fire it for me when it’s ready for firing – slowly, he said, and then ship it to me. See the upload at the beginning of this blog. (I do agree it's a good thing I chose psychology, not art, but it was fun.)

As for the point of this entry: I’m working – and I mean working – on starting a blog at a different source where it will be easier for you to comment. So often I’ve received e-mails from folks who said they would have commented, but it was a hassle to get through the rigmarole. I’ve commented easily on other people’s blogs at this new site. I want that for you. It’s a bit discouraging having no dialogue, just shouting my opinions out into thin air without getting a discussion going. I’m hoping for better on the new location.

Once I complete the confusing process of designing it, I’ll let you know, hoping you’ll not only stay with me but will join a conversation as well.

MRS. JOB AS HERO, AND FORGIVENESS

This past Sunday we watched a DVD in the series of interviews Bill Moyer did with Joseph Campbell. Even as I watched what seemed like a discussion between ego and the collective unconscious I realized that Mrs. Job qualifies as a hero.

At that same gathering, another person told me he’d been re-reading my forgiveness books, finding things he didn’t notice the first time through. Of course I was thrilled that he was going through the forgiveness materials again, and it pointed out to me how much our readiness influences what we take in and use.

And that takes me to Mrs. Job’s cover. If I wanted to, I could see the responses falling in two categories – those that are ego oriented, i.e., what would best sell the book, and those that more subtly tap into unconscious emotional response. Since my question was really an ego one, I looked for guides to sales. But even there, the more non-ego responses seemed helpful.

OK. Let me get specific. Most everyone who responded said they liked the Mrs. Job cover as it is, citing especially its serenity and symbolism. At the same time, they seemed to agree that a sexier cover might sell better. Very few said they liked my suggestions for change of title, though it was thought that sales might be better if I were to use “Mrs. Job’s Journey,” suggesting mystery and intrigue. One person wondered whether she would have been “Mrs. Job” in her day and suggested “Job’s Wife.” I have to admit I wish I had realized how the mispronunciation of “Job” would have affected people’s interpretation of the title.  “Job’s Wife” would have encouraged a more correct pronunciation, I think.

So, where has this left me? Very grateful for the responses I received, and still wondering what to do. I admit it doesn’t seem worth it to put more money into the project at this point. But please keep thinking for me and letting me know the result. 

MRS. JOB NEEDS HELP           

I’ve talked before about the five reasons why Mrs. Job doesn’t sell. (See my website http://forgivenessoptions.com/content/9/mrs-job )

Now I plan to do something about it. And here’s where I need help. Please give me your opinion, either here or on my website or by e-mail. What I’m looking for is a way to make it reach out to more people, so whether you’ve read it or not (and I won’t ask … ) I want to hear from you.  Here’s what I plan to do on the cover to make it clearer and more appealing.

(1) I made the mistake of leaving the Ph.D. after my name so people think it’s a heavy academic tome – or maybe a self-help book. It’s not. It’s a love story. SOLUTION: I’ll remove the Ph.D from after my name.

(2) People think it’s a religious treatise because it’s about biblical Job. It’s not a treatise. Yes, it is true to the events that happened to him in the biblical story, but it’s fiction built around those events.

(3) Some people think it’s a “liberal” tome, calling into question some biblical beliefs. It’s not. See (2) above

POTENTIAL SOLUTONS: I’ll change the name to counteract the assumptions in (2) and (3) above. I’ve had a few ideas. My first was to change it to “Mrs. Job: A Love Story.” A member of my writer’s group suggested “Mrs. Job’s Journey,” even as they expressed the opinion that it should have a colon and something after it. My daughter said I shouldn’t put either of those out there so people could come up with their own original ideas, but I decided to give you a sense of the kind of thing I’m looking for. PLEASE HELP WITH OPINIONS or SUGGESTIONS, I’ll repay you with gratitude and appreciation.

(4) Many apparently think it’s about working people, or maybe the wife of Steve Jobs, because they don’t pronounce “Job” right. SOLUTION: I don’t know. Maybe changing the title will help overcome that, or maybe a line above the “o,” alerting people that it’s a long “o.” SUGGESTIONS?

(5) There are those who don’t buy it because they already have, and liked it so much they’ve been lending it to their friends. And that’s why their friends don’t buy it. NO SOLUTIONS NEEDED. I think that’s a fine reason.

I INTEND ALSO TO CHANGE THE COVER. I know at least two people who love the cover, one of whom says it won’t, however, sell the book, even though she loves it. I think first off a lighter background will help, and I have a few ideas I’ve been running past a graphic artist. I’ll put those out there when they get closer to some kind of finalization. In the meantime, I’m eager for suggestions.

If you want to take a look at the cover as it is now, click on the link in the first paragraph.

'TIS THE SEASON

I love this day! – The Winter Solstice. From now on more sunlight, more cheer.

I love this holiday season too. I have been blessed with a Santa Claus Christmas since my childhood. I know that’s a blessing I don’t share with everyone, a fact which makes me sad. But the music and the memories make me glad as well, along with deep gratitude to my family. I especially love the fact that MPR’s classical station plays so much more choral music during this period.

I love realizing that I’ve made it through another year with good health. If all goes as planned I’ll enjoy another healthy Christmas with my family in a few days.

It’s the Holiday, really. I wish joy for everyone, however you celebrate the coming of the sunlight.

And wouldn’t it be glorious if our thoughts of peace were to become more concrete in 2012? That’s my wish.

FUN AT THE ADLER CAFÉ

Last evening I had a good time first enjoying a potluck feast and then with the chance to chat with Adler folks and friends on the topic of forgiveness. (I sneaked in a bit on Mrs. Job as well.) What a neat group! I understand that a common comment at the end was “It’s necessarily complex.” That it is. Lots of discussion followed my suggestion that “to forgive is to accuse.” After it was all over, one person asked whether it’s possible to forgive someone without their knowing that you have even accused them, to say nothing of forgiving them. The answer? – an unhesitating “yes.” Forgiving is basically for the forgiver.

While we were chatting after the session was over, one woman conveyed her thanks to women of my generation for the work we had done for women. It got me started – remembering when my daughter at 13 couldn’t switch from her pediatrician to a woman physician because one was not available – women were not allowed residencies at the local hospitals. Then I went on remembering – no women pharmacists, anchors on the evening news, reporters from all over-including war zones, police officers, mail carriers, military personnel, fill in the blanks. Certainly there were no women in authority on CSI (but then, I guess there was no CSI.) The point? Change happens, best observed when we look back. Back when Lou, the Italian Catholic, married me, a Swedish Lutheran, it was a mixed marriage. Today it would hardly qualify.

The lesson? We best understand what we’ve been living through when we look back at it. Sort of hopeful, I think.

HELP OTHERS KEEP THEIR DIGNITY

           

Sometimes clients attribute their own wisdom to me. I think that was the case recently when a client told me she found it helpful that I had said it’s important to help others keep their dignity. I’d like to believe I said it. I certainly agree with it.

Some behavioral stuff that’s important in following through on that is focusing on the other and, though it sounds like an oxymoron, doing that by making no “you” statements, as in judging, but rather using “I,” as in recognizing and expressing my own feelings and opinions in a respectful way -- taking responsibility for myself. Well, there are exceptions. I love receiving a “you” statement that suggests, as she did, that I had been helpful. It’s the blaming yous or the guessing-how-you-are-feeling yous that deprive others of dignity.

OK, that’s my thought for the day. Confusing? Hmm. Maybe that’s why I need clients to translate my psychobabble into English.