LOVE/GRACE

http://www.forbiddenknowledgetv.com/videos/religion--spiritual-practice/spiritual-reality-near-death-experiences-2010.html#.Tn5N-tSuBgQ.email

Whether it's Heaven or a protective nervous system, these people experienced a life-changing event.

MUST I ALWAYS BE CHEERFUL?

This one breaks all kinds of rules – especially the one about keeping the blog entry brief. I promise to be less wordy in the future if you’ll stick with this one to the end.

For most of my life with my mother, and especially during her eleven years in a nursing home before she moved on out of this life, I perceived it to be my job to save up happy stories to tell her. I was pretty good at it too. She was totally shocked when I told her I was getting a divorce – no inkling there was anything unhappy in the relationship.

It got to be a habit. I have to store up happy things to tell. Well, guess what! I don’t always feel like telling happy stories.

Like, be careful what you ask for. I managed to refinance my mortgage at a reduced rate of interest, which meant my bank got a copy of the appraisal – a huge downgrade in the value of my home – so they had to reduce my line of credit by 75%.

Last evening, after several insomniac nights, I had no energy to do anything but watch the vigil for Troy Davis which ended in tragedy.

I decided to try one last effort to sell my books. Paid for a neat new website that connects with a neat new facebook page, this blog, and Twitter. I committed to a regular monthly fee. They are really great – very helpful. But I’m not good at selling – no movement.

I broke a kind of a rule for therapists – when the therapy round is done, don’t contact former clients. My e-mail contact with a former client asking how she was doing resulted in a response indicating she was doing well and asking about me. I sent a two-sentence description of what I’ve been up to and referred her to my blog for more information. She was hurt by what she perceived as a put-off, wrote me back in anger, basically telling me to get out of her life. My truly heartsick response was met with silence.

See!? I don’t feel like being cheerful.

Oh, but wait. What can I learn from this?

1)    Telling happy stories. Actually, I did admire Polyanna when I finally got to read her, but there’s another basic rule of therapy – honesty. My mother wouldn’t have been shocked at my divorce news if I’d been open with her all along.

2)    Hey Mona, I don’t feel sorry for you about your mortgage thing. You have a lovely home to live in, and the remnants of an equity line of credit. Just don’t forget those who have none of this.

3)    The execution of Troy Davis? I can only hope attitudes will continue to turn against the death penalty. I understand there is a generation change. Thank goodness for young people!

4)    Selling my books? Well I will try – this coming Saturday even. But. Mona, just be glad for the time you have to write and do what you enjoy.

5)    Hurting my former client? How many times do I have to learn to be careful with words. How easy it is to read them differently from the way they were written! I learned that back in the days of writing multiple-choice questions for my classes. I always took the test with them, regularly getting one wrong even though I’d written and reviewed them myself.

6)    The “rule” against connecting with former clients? I’ll continue to break it. So many wonderful relationships.

So, I guess my insomnia will continue for people living in terrible situations that I can’t fix, but for which I can continue to do my small part.

My High School yearbook said of me “All succeeds for those who are sweet and cheerful.” (What an insipid comment). Well, guess what!...

DO YOU TAKE BLUE CROSS?

I get it. I really do! But I also think it’s sad – almost to the point of being tragic. Here’s the call I got yesterday from someone looking for therapy. “Are you a psychologist?” he asked. “yes, I am.” I answered. “Do you take Blue Cross?” he said. I get this kind of call often, and this is not a complaint about me. I knew what I was doing to my potential income when I decided to refrain from becoming a provider for any managed care organizations once I moved to Minnesota. But here are a few things he might have said in the service of his own needs: I’d like to ask you a question about the kind of therapy you practice. Or, Are you still taking patients/clients? Or, I’m looking for someone who can help me with my depression/obsession/alcoholism/marital/child-rearing problems – whatever.

I told him I was not a Blue Cross provider, but that as a licensed psychologist my services are covered. I do not bill Blue Cross directly, however. I will provide a statement at the end of the month which you can submit. “OK, thank you,” he said, and hung up.

Now, here’s what strikes me as sad. The question had nothing to do with his health needs or with finding an appropriate provider for him. It wasn’t his health that was his primary question, it was his insurance company. Sometimes people stay on the phone long enough so I can help evaluate who – occasionally me – might be right for him, or whether the free initial consultation might be helpful, or whether I might have a sliding scale of charges, or even why I chose not to be a provider.

As I said. I understand it perfectly. People have to consider what they can afford. But if you go shopping for a blue shirt and find a pink one that doesn’t fit you well but costs half the price, does it make sense to make your purchase on the basis of price alone? Psychotherapy is nothing to fool around with.

On the other hand, maybe, once he had made contact with a Blue Cross provider, he would have explored further. I hope so, and I get it! But health care and insurance coverage are not the same thing. It’s that confusion that makes me sad.

MORPHING, MOLTING, CHANGING

Eda LeShan had the perfect metaphor many years ago. In order for the lobster to expand, it must leave its old shell behind and let another one grow that fits better, leaving itself vulnerable in the process. I guess snakes do basically the same thing. Those of us who’ve been around a while have probably experienced that vulnerability more than once. I know I have: when I left the full-time professor role to become a full-time therapist; again when I left part-time instruction, and now when the economy and my avoidance of managed-care have reduced my private practice.

There’s still writing, which I’ve tried, with moderate success; and my current tentative reaching out to doing personalized editorial proofreading http://forgivenessoptions.com/feeds/item/15/new-service-offered. Patricia Gitt gave me the idea and the opportunity, working on her new novel “ASAP.” It’s a good read. Check it out. If my work has really been effective, you won’t notice it, because your attention will be focused on her story. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Patricia+Gitt&x=8&y=14

And then there’s that vulnerability thing. When I moved to Minnesota I pictured myself enjoying the leisure of sitting around and reading. I’ve finally been doing that some, but I have to confess, it feels weird – vulnerable, really. I appreciate the encouragement of friends and family to go for it. I’m working on it.