WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW UP

I just decided what I want to be when I grow up. Well, not just now, but sort of early this morning as I woke up. Yesterday a friend of mine told me the reaction of the person to whom she had given a copy of Mrs. Job. Reportedly she loved it, and wondered would I be willing to do a retreat at her [Lutheran] church. There was no real offer, just the suggestion that I should think about it. It took a good night’s sleep for me to realize that this is exactly what I love to do. Forgiveness, Justice, Job and his wife. They are so intimately connected, and how they tie in to my interest in gender psychology and restorative practices! So now my thoughts are off and running. What a great two-day retreat we could have, or even a one-day workshop. It would have to be tailored, both in title and content, to the hosting group. If it were a group of Lutheran women, for example, it could be "Mrs. Job, forgiveness, and justice for the Godly woman." For others it might be "Forgiveness, Justice, Restorative Practices, and the influence of Mrs. Job." Who knows? It would take a lot of thought to name it, and more thought to arrange a fruitful presentation that would frame the issues and their solutions in general as well as personal gain for participants. But my cupboard is filled with so many great ingredients for the recipe. It would be fun. First job – construct a blurb that would describe it to a general audience.

OK. That’s it. Help me with your thoughts. In the meantime, I have spent some time (not enough) on “Riding in the Back Seat” and reading on my deck in halter and shorts. Imagine! It’s that warm here today.

My cousin Eunice died on January 31

Eunice died on January 31. 2009  in Bethlehem, PA. Her children notified me by e-mail. I had met one of her daughters, but her other children were known to my only by her reports. I last saw Eunice a few years ago when I attended a restorative practices weekend in Bethlehem. (For some stupid reason it took me a while to catch on to the reason why everyone called it the Christmas town.) She treated me like royalty, hiring someone to drive me into the city each day from her home. We had a great time together. Funny how little difference years make, and it had been years since we saw each other. 

Eunie was tethered to oxygen in her front hall, but it didn't slow her down much. She even had a tidy carrying case so she could take her oxygen with her when she went out. At bedtime she carried the "tether" up to her bedroom. Every morning she spent time on her stationary bike before heading downstairs. There she spent the day in a sunny bright room that had been added on to the original house. Her office/home base was a table provided with everything she needed to stay in communication with people and to do her work for her Lutheran church. She did have a helper who shopped, cleaned, and cooked for her. (At least, that's my understanding of how things were.)

Eunie's red hair and freckles never disappeared, advertising the Irish side of her heritage. To me, she was my younger cousin, but not by much. Back in Forestville we enjoyed a large Anderson family -- playing pick-up-sticks at Aunt Gerda and Uncle Everett's -- enjoying weekend camping with them at Hammonasett State Park (my spelling may be wrong) -- getting special treatment at church when missionaries came and dressed us up in native costume -- helping to fill the home of Grandma and Grandpa Anderson at Christmas time. Grandma knit each of her grandchildren a pair of mittens every year, and each of her children had a lovely quilt made by her own hands. We played with my neighbor and best friend Hallie who predeceased Eunice by several years. But Forestville sent its people out far and wide, so at one point there were twenty-five years between times that Eunie and I saw each other. I surprised my self with the burst of tears when I heard she had died.

There weren't many people for me to notify when I got the news: my sister Thelma, My cousin Joy, my niece Nancy, and Hallie's widower, Murph. And there is Eunie's big brother in Florida to whom I wrote a sympathy note. We/I used to be part of a big family. I tell people that, being the youngest of the youngest, most of my cousins were old enough to be my parents, and they are long gone.  Actually, I am the youngest of the youngest on the Gustafson side, but Eunie and her mother were the youngest on the Anderson side. This is not a sad story. I'm so happy to have been part of that bunch of Swedish Lutherans. Maybe there is other nourishment that's better, but the strength of a large caring group of relatives certainly ranks high.

Eunie did believe she would be joining her husband and all her family and friends. I hope she's having a wonderful reunion, free of the need for the oxygen tether.

Where have I been? and Mrs. Job or Dara?

Sometimes I wonder what I've been doing with my time. I know I went to a delightful brunch in a friend's home last Tuesday and a fun and tasty meeting with a church circle on Wednesday. But what have I accomplished?  I sometimes wonder if that's a family curse, that "you must accomplish" idea. But really, I do wish I could just tick off some projects as completed. 

Take the book of Mrs. Job, for example. With the help of wonderful friends and family I've finally got the title narrowed down. Here's the choice, "Dara," (That's Mrs. Job's name in my story) or "Mrs. Job." .. no colons with additional information after them. I would really appreciate your vote on this.

And then there's the matter of forgiveness. I've been working up a one-day workshop scheduled for October 4 at Shepherd of the Hill Presbyterian church, but now there's the question whether there will be a large enough group that day, and should we postpone it to a time when more can come? (We chose October 4 because it was the closest Saturday to Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.) Go to the link for Shepherd of the Hill church (to your right)  and click on "education;" then go to "A Day of Atonement-Reconciliation." Or should I do a small group on the 4th if that's what shows up and do a larger one later... ? A couple of small groups have reviewed the forgiveness DVD I plan to use, and each time I learn more about people's thoughts on the matter and how I might present it better.

Oh, and there's Restorative Justice, a twin sibling of forgiveness. I recently did a presentation on that topic at the Adler Graduate School, learning a lot, of course, about how I might do it better. And it's good if I get better at it, because I'll be presenting a program on Restorative Justice on Tuesday, October 14, as part of the Dialogues series at Shepherd of the Hill. I need to get busy helping to make that fact known. Go to the Shepherd of the Hill Link and click on "Dialogues."

My biggest project -- that is, the one I promised myself I'd finish by the end of the day today, is to get the Mrs. Job (or Dara) manuscript off to iUniverse and get the ball rolling.  Before I could do that, I had to finish a bio, which they require, and an appreciations page which I wanted and needed to do, considering all the wonderful people who have helped me.

OK. That's enough chatting. Now I'll get down to business.

Discussing Restorative Justice

After my talk last Monday at the Adler Graduate School I had a request from one person for help in defending the concept of restorative justice. Obviously I can only respond with guesses as to the objections. A few points might help. First of all, back to the definition I cited: "Restorative justice is a theory of justice that emphasizes repairing the harm caused or revealed by criminal behavior.  It is best accomplished through cooperative processes that include all stakeholders." It is one of three concepts of justice which were presented, the other two being retributive justice, focusing on punishment, and social justice, attempting to reduce crime-producing conditions at ground level. 

It's natural to want to inflict pain on the offender as in retributive justice, and there are those who argue that the result would be reduction in crime as people anticipate what might happen to them if they were to offend. Another argument is that criminals are kept away from society so they can't offend again. The question I raised on Monday was whether and how well that approach works to reduce crime. 

Restorative justice evolved in part through the recognition that the primary focus of retributive justice is on the accused, leaving the victim on his or her own to heal. Seen in this way, restorative justice does not argue against punishment for crime so much as for paying more attention to the needs of the victim.  Hence the word "restorative." It has broadened, however, to include healing of the criminal, even if or while he or she is incarcerated or suffering some other punishment. There is growing evidence that it works to reduce crime, and to salvage the contributions both victim and offender can make to society.

Both retributive justice and restorative justice operate after the fact. There are those of us who feel strongly that the goal of crime reduction is best met by an increase in social justice. Yes, that's a huge job, but so is the maintenance of our penal system.

On Monday I spoke for over an hour, with the additional help of charts and handouts, so I hope it's clear that this is a sampler of a much more complicated issue.

Forgiveness and Restorative Justice -- Different?

I've been challenged to keep my blog focused on one topic in order to avoid confusion.  More specifically, it was suggested that I might have two blogs, one for Forgiveness and another for Restorative Justice. (Of course, in either case I'd reserve the right to talk about other stuff, like what happens when I can't sleep.)

The challenge came up when I referred to two things I'll be doing in October at Shepherd Of The Hill Presbyterian Church. (See my link to the church). On Saturday, October 4, I get the opportunity to do an all-day workshop on forgiveness and on Tuesday, October 14, I expect to participate in the dialogue series by presenting on "Save One; Save All: Restorative Justice/Restored Community."

I decided against separation into two blogs because Forgiveness and Restorative Justice rely basically on the same thing -- good problem solving as opposed to the emotional but vain and short-lived pleasure of vengeance.  In the long run, what action will do the most good for individuals and, more broadly, for the community of which we are a part? And both attend first to the needs of the victim(s) of wrongdoing.